i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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