kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
tell me about the eggs
Randomize