Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
