I wish they made helmets for livers.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
