drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
