im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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