If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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