i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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