Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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