Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
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He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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