Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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