Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
