FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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