By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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