I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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