Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
