I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
