Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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