The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
