I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
