My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize