and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
