ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
