Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
