You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
