id be glad to
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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