How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
