dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
