Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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