Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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