ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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