when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
