He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
