kristin has been a bad kristin
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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