john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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