That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
