Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So much rum. So many feels.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
