Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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