if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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