textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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