We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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