Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize