This house was built for laser tag.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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