I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
