Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
