so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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