i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
