I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
false alarm. still invincible.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
