Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
