how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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