Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize