I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I understand Curling. That high.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
