This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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