Little spoons don't ask big questions
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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