Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
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he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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