I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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