Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Randomize
