Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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