'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I touched a dick in church today
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
